You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
