You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
