Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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