I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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