some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
