it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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