someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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