He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
