I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
