We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
foreskin is a definite game changer
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
