His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
