No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
