i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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