dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
