is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
