she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
