How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
