no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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