No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
