I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
honey bunches of taint.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
