I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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