So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
where are you?
Hypothermia
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
