I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
As shirtless as possible
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
