you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
