Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
