I'm jealous of your bromance
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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