Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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