I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
