Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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