i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
