maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
