How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
