I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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