I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
