why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
