In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
