I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
