Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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