Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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