I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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