In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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