you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
