I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
