why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
