i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
