I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
