youre lurking in front of me
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
