she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
