If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
