I should be sponsored by Trojan
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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